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Mommy Advice

Posted on March 21, 2017

You Are More Than Just a Parent!

Mommy Advice

I truly believe that the word ‘parent’ is very misleading, as so many duties can not put into one very boring word. We deserve something more spectacular or something with more oomph.  I personally would have preferred “superhuman procreator”.  We got robbed folks.  Being a parent means being a nurse and you didn’t go to nursing school or being a teacher and you suck at math.  Can you imagine if we wrote a resume based around our duties as a parent?  Not only would we be hired but probably be named the company’s CEO, because who’s more qualified than a doctor/engineer/legal aide?   Here is a list of  30 job titles that you might want to consider when revising your resume or when someone underestimates the title of ‘parent’:Read More

Posted on March 2, 2017

Product Review: Be Kool (fever reducing patches)

Mommy Advice/ Product Reviews

Well it’s March 1st and that means that Mother Nature is still trying to make up her mind if it’s still winter or if it’s safe to say, it’s spring.  In the mornings we’re wearing winter coats and in the afternoon, we’re riding bikes with t-shirts on.  So of course, my daughter caught a cold, a bad one.Read More

Posted on December 17, 2016

6 Tips for Returning Back to School as a Parent

Mommy Advice/ Mommy Advice

 

 

This is not for someone who just graduated from high school, enjoying their last summer with their friends before they part ways for college.  This is not for you if you’re reading this in the back seat as your parents drive you to your dorm with all your new bedding and boxes of clothes that you will not be able to fit next year. This is for the ones that play nurse, taxi driver, superhero, attendee at a fake tea party, and a therapist all in one day.  This is for the ones that claim dependents on their taxes, attend parent teacher conferences after working all day, the ones that choose between a new pair of shoes for themselves or music lessons for their child.  This is for non-traditional students.  Parents that have chosen to go back to school for the third, fourth, and maybe even the fifth time.  It’s not easy going back to school as a parent nor is it even an easy decision.  Just thinking about it, can be a headache!  Is this the right time in my child’s life?  Who is going to watch my child while I go to school?  How will I work, go to school AND be an active parent?  These are not questions, this is you convincing yourself that it can’t be done or that it can and YOU just can’t do it.  Instead ask yourself questions like: What major should I pick?  Which school should I choose?  You need to get excited about this journey because the work will be enough, don’t let your thoughts add more weight.   Now that you have decided to go back to school as a parent, here are some tips to help you be a successful student and maintain your sanity.Read More

Posted on December 7, 2016

3 Things My Child’s Field Trip Made Me Appreciate

Mommy Advice

      Let me first tell you that field trips are not like they used to be.  Of course everyone had different experiences but, the little I do remember about elementary school was the excitement of field trips and the anticipation of who was going to ride in your car or which car you would ride in.  If your parent volunteered to drive for the field trip, you got to pick who rode in your car.  This automatically made you the ‘cool kid’ of the day and people would beg all week prior to, to be picked to ride in your car.  Of course your mom’s car could only hold so many people.  So imagine the devastation of not getting picked by a cool kid and ending up with Billy, the nose picker and his weird mom that listened to AM stations only.  I remember what the simple volunteer permission slip consisted of, how many seat belts are in your vehicle and a line for a signature.  My daughter’s school was a much different approach, they requested a full background check, like a potential employer or a bank loan, and made us watch a 20 minute video of what their ‘volunteer expectations’ were.  This background check required my social security number, a reference, and all of my contact information.  This made me wonder if we were going on a field trip or would I possibly be adopting these children that rode with me afterwards?  Nevertheless, I have nothing to hide and gave full consent.  I really don’t even understand why all of this was required considering that only your own child rides with you to the destination.  Maybe this is a top secret way for Sallie Mae to get my new address? But my real guess is that a handful of weirdos along the years messed up my plans to sing karaoke with my daughter’s classmates and her chance to be cool for a day.  Field trips are also not called this anymore, they are now ‘field studies’.  They are expected to actually learn something vs. a chance to hang out with their friends outside of school for a day.  Perhaps this was a requirement before but once again, the little I do remember was not learning anything from field trips.  However as a parent, I did learn to appreciate a few things:

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Posted on December 7, 2016

“You don’t got the answers Sway”

Mommy Advice/ Mommy Advice

As the mother of a five year old, I ask myself at LEAST once a week, where is “the book” for this shit?  I remember being a kid and asking things like, why is the sky blue or where do babies come from?  These are the kind of questions I had been preparing to answer.  I knew there would be a FEW (yes, I said few) that I didn’t know the answers to.  However, I imagined when my child asked the harder questions,  I pictured us grabbing a book from our very own library, cuddling up together, pointing at pictures with our eyes wide, giggling about our newfound knowledge together, and walking around outside pointing out the things we read about it in our book. Needless to say, it goes nothing like this.  Like at all!  When your child asks a question, they expect an answer right away, there is no waiting while you refer to a specific page of a book.  When your kid asks you a question, you know the ones that catch you off-guard?  The ones that you literally have five seconds to answer before they doubt everything that is about to come out of your mouth because you took too long to answer?  Yep, those!  You have to choose if want to give the technical answer, that is so complicated they will let you off the hook. Or the Disney version of things where you give such a whimsical and far fetched answer to buy yourself some time.  But beware of the Disney answer because this topic will be revisited in just a few months when your child meets another kid that has a parent that gave them the real answer and now you look like the dummy.  Or, do you want to use one of your ‘get out of jail free’ cards with a simple “I don’t know”.  Warning!  Saying “I don’t know” has to come few and far between, because not only do you want your kid to understand things and get into that Ivy League College that they have been destined for since the age of two, but you NEED to look smart!  This is to back up an answer that you will use often, “because I said so”.  You can’t start giving out “because I said so” responses and you don’t have any knowledge to back it up.    I repeat, you NEED TO LOOK SMART!  As a single mother, I have no “go ask your father” responses to pull out of my artillery. I bet those are awesome!  But how do you explain what a period is to a five year old?  Again I ask, where is the book for this shit?

Joey bursts into the bathroom, per usual, her eyes lit up while looking at the bathroom counter, “Mommy are those candies?!” as she pointed to my tampons.  I blame these tampon companies on their failed efforts to make these vaginal stoppers made of cotton look fun, colorful, and now apparently edible.  I blame my uterus for attacking me on my decision to not have another kid this month.  I also blame the hormonal imbalance that clouded my judgement in allowing me to say, “It’s a tampon.”  You can already guess what her next question was.  I screamed at myself in my head that this would have been a perfect one to “yell get out of my bathroom!”  But it was too late.  Before I knew it,  I was saying the word ‘blood’ and ‘when you become a woman’ to my five year old.  Apparently, this whole period thing was so weird and gross to her that she thought I was making the whole thing up.  She laughed and walked out of the bathroom, while I hoped that my answer was even legal.

Moms, you will not always have all the answers, the right answers at least.        Although, I’m willing to guess that less than half of the moms reading this would have answered that specific question that way, I can also guess that more than half wouldn’t know what to say at all.  My answers are unplanned just like her questions.  I’m not a walking encyclopedia, I don’t always have my phone on me to google everything, and I’m not always in the mood to come up with the Disney answers.  I answer her questions the best way I know how to.  And that book you’re looking for, it doesn’t exist.

 

Posted on September 7, 2016

8 Things I Bet You Didn’t Know The Dollar Store Had!

Mommy Advice/ Uncategorized

We all know that the Dollar Store is our go-to for paper products, party supplies, greeting cards, and cheap holiday decor.  We also know that there are variances amongst the dollar store world, imitators if you may,  Family Dollar, Dollar General, etc.  What I love about Dollar Tree is that I know that every item I pick up is TRULY $1 or even less than.  I don’t need to price check anything and I don’t need to worry about if someone put the item on the wrong shelf, to only be fooled when I get to the register and find out it costs much more.  Also, my daughter is still at the age where if I tell her to pick out five things that she wants, she thinks mommy just took her on a shopping spree and we’re rich.
     Today, I found eight items that I considered to be shocking finds at Dollar Tree.  I considered them shocking because I would have went elsewhere without even thinking to try Dollar Tree first.

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